"Why is Gopal not to be seen these days?" My husband had asked once last week. I didn't answer and instead quickly diverted him to some other topic.
Somehow, I have been cursing my beloved husband all these days for deciding to leave all the luxuries of Mumbai and settling down in a rather smallish town in the southern most part of India. He wasn't willing to let the lucrative offer go and jumped to grab the new job in a windmill power generation company. We have been settled in this sleepy village for more than six months now and it is only for the past one month or so that I began feeling some discomfort.
Gopal is the only son of Annamma, the poor woman who helped me in the household ever since we landed up here. He looked like a very innocent teenager when his mother brought him to our house within few days of our arrival. He was 19, almost half my age and struggling to find some job to support his mother. Annamma had been requesting me and my husband to help Gopal by fixing him up in some job.
"I can't get him a job in my company," My husband had once made it clear categorically. "Ours is a multi national company and there is no place for a drop out like him."
I was saddened to see the poor woman returning with plenty of disappointment. I had realized that the whole village held her in very high esteem in spite of her miseries. Somehow I wanted to help the poor woman and his rather immature son.
"If you are so particular, let him help you at home," My husband suggested magnanimously. "Let him take care of your grocery purchase, phone bills, electricity bills etc. Give him some decent money every month so that he can help his mother."
My husband always had a very broad outlook towards life. I knew that he has never been the sort of person who shies away when it comes to helping any needy individuals. I didn't have any objections either as I knew that I can relax more at home rather than shunting between the town and the village for my daily needs.
Although Gopal wasn't looking much enthused about the whole thing, he didn't have any choices and hence started working in our house shortly thereafter. But, it took a while for me to realize that we had taken a terrible decision. I soon spotted that his eyes had begun to stray on me. I even suspected that he had peeped through the door-hole when I was changing once. I couldn't ignore his gestures any longer as he even dared to touch me a few times.
"Gopal, I never thought of you as a grown up young man," I spoke to him in a stern voice. "I am as old as your mother and it is very uncomfortable to see you watching me the way you do."
He stood like a pillar in front of me without making any attempts to explain. I was getting even more irritated.
"I can forget the whole thing if you start behaving properly," I warned him.
"Sorry Madam," Gopal spoke without showing any emotion on his face. "If I continue working here, I will keep looking at you because, I like you."
I was shocked to hear his admission. It was unbelievable to hear a man of my son's age telling me that he likes me.
"You like me?" I grimaced at him. "Don't you know I am married? Do you know my son are older than you? Do you know how old I am?"
"I do," Gopal nodded his head and began emptying out his heart. "I have started thinking about you for quite some time now. Those thoughts have become part of my life nowadays, disrupting my sleep almost every night. I have never had such thoughts about any girl before."
I stood dumbfounded. He kept narrating unashamed.
"Madam, I have been dreaming about you all these days. I have..I have masturbated several times unable to contain my feelings. I know it is wrong..but..."
"Stop it," I began spitting fire. "You have exceeded your limits. Now listen, I don't want you to come here from now onwards. Just get out of here and never come again."
I wasn't feeling any sympathy for the young man as he stepped out of my house, a dejected man. I was extremely outraged by his cool disclosure about his desire for me. It took a while for me to calm myself down. Although I was terribly upset about the young man, I decided not to break his mother's heart by revealing the truth. I just called the woman and informed her that I am experiencing some 'inconveniences' and hence can't let Gopal continue any further. Surprisingly, I did not see any significant shock on her face as I broke the news. She quietly got up and walked out of my house without revealing any emotions.
For the next few weeks, my schedules became very hectic as I needed to go to the town once in a while for even small things. Apart from the physical exertion, I was mentally let down after knowing that I have let a curious youngster develop a strange fascination for me. But, I hardly knew that there were a few shocks queuing up for the future.
It all began on a Friday. I had been to the only temple in the village and I could see some people pointing at me and talking something. I heard them chuckling behind my back and although I was puzzled I ignored them all. As I went around the parikrama of the temple, I found Annammal walking a few yards before me and I quickly rushed to her.
"Annamma!" I called out. "How are you?"
Annamma turned around and glared at me. I felt a gentle chill as I gauged the utter hatred in her eyes.
"What is the matter?" I queried somewhat confused. "Why are you looking at me like this?"
"Madam, this is a temple," Annamma sounded rather rude. "I shouldn't be talking about certain things in such a serene atmosphere."
I was confused and stunned. I wondered what she was referring to.
"I can understand," I tried to reason with her. "I know I stopped Gopal abruptly causing lot of discomfort to you...but.."
"Please stop!" Annamma intervened in a harsh voice. "Don't talk about my innocent son. I know what you have done to him. You have corrupted his mind."
"Annamma!" I screamed disregarding the fact that we were inside a temple.
"Don't shout!" Annamma snarled at me. "I never imagined that a woman could stoop so low. I know your son are well settled in life. Your husband seems to be toiling at his workplace while you shamelessly entice innocent boys and corrupt them. Once you had enough, you throw them and look for another man."
I wish I could have slapped her. I didn't because she was a very poor woman and because it was a place of worship. I felt as though my nerves were exploding in outrage and anger. It was hard to realize that the rumor mill in the village had taken me as a soft target for no reasons.
"I forgive you Annamma," I said with tears dropping down my eyes. "If whatever you said about me is true, God will never forgive me."
After saying this, I rushed home without completing the parikrama. I collapsed on the bed and kept weeping for more than an hour. I realized that by letting Gopal come to our house, I had given reasons for some perverts in the village to talk ill about me. I couldn't believe that one should pay such a heavy price for being considerate to others. I began awaiting my husband so that I can lean on his shoulders and weep my heart out. When he came eventually, I was much more composed and cool. I gave him a cup of coffee and as he began sipping, I began narrating the whole story.
He wasn't reacting as I had expected. Once I finished, we both remained silent for a few minutes before my husband finally began to speak.
"As a matter of fact, I knew there was something wrong between you and Gopal," he spoke sending a bolt from the blue into me. " Honestly, I didn't want to make any issue out of this. I know you are alone at home and you need some company to relax yourself."
"What do you mean?" I couldn't believe what he was talking about.
"Relax," He smiled much to my discomfort. "I did ask you why Gopal had stopped coming. You never gave any reply. What do you expect me to presume?"
"What is there to presume?" I fumed in anger. "He is just a kid."
"But you aren't," my husband smiled cruelly. "If there wasn't anything untoward, you should have told me everything long back."
"That is ridiculous," I screamed. "You don't trust me?"
"Not anymore," He stood up and began walking towards the stairs. "But, I am behaving like a gentleman. I know I am getting old and perhaps can't cope up with your sexual expectations. You are free to bring to as many boys into the house and have a nice time with them. But, I can't stop people from talking anything about you."
"You harmed me," I shouted at him as he went upstairs without minding my tears.
I couldn't believe that my husband had suspicions about my fidelity, that too after 27 years of marriage. It was a terrible feeling, to realize that the whole world had turned against me for no reason whatsoever.
The next few days almost drove me to the edge of frustration; even I thought of harming myself in depression. My husband like most people in the village had concluded that I had some illicit affairs with Gopal. As days passed by, my frustration began taking all the ugly turns, loosing all faith on everything around me. It looked although I was living in a void, before Gopal returned again.
It was around afternoon when he knocked at the door. I hesitantly let him in although I shouldn't have. He looked miserable and his unshaved face suggested that he was getting his own share of the rumor mongering inside the village. He quietly sat down on the chair and lowered his head in embarrassment.
"Are you happy?" I asked him with a wry smile. "Your people have made me look like a prostitute."
Suddenly, he looked up and gazed my eyes. He stood up and grabbed me around the waist pulling me closer to him. Before I could realize, he was kissing me full on my mouth ignoring whatever protests I was making. He broke the kiss and gasped for breath.
"This is a lousy village with lousy people," Gopal mumbled. "There is no point in being truthful to people who don't deserve.
