Chapter 6: Trough in alliance.
My grandma’s demise hurled me into abyss. Seldom I spoke or smiled. Debadideb called me and asked me whether I was coming in the funeral function or not. I answered that I have lost the reason to visit my uncle’s house, all the threads tied with them was lost, first my mother then my grandmother. He said that, before passing away, grandma asked him to find a job for me at Durgapur. I answered that if he can then I would be grateful to him. He assured that he would look for a job and asked me to pull myself up. I smiled painfully and said to him that I was free then, at last all the straws around me has gone away and then I could take a deep dive into abyss. He said that, he and his wife would visit me.
Within few days, I pulled myself up. One fine morning, I found myself very much rejuvenated. I felt the soft winter breeze on my face. I took a deep breath of the cold breeze and said to myself that I have to get up and start all over again. I made up my mind that I would go away from the city that took away my mother and grandma. I had to go away for the sake of that beautiful butterfly towards which I was getting attracted. I made up my mind that whatever comes, I would refrain myself from coming near her again. I had to feign a fight with her, which would be the most painful in my life.
I had to complete what I started, so on the particular day I was there in the centre for enrolling myself for the final semester. I observed that Titli was waiting anxiously for me at the gate.
I observed that her curvaceous frame was draped in a brilliant blue coloured sari and short blouse. The dark colour made a beautiful contrast against her creamy complexion. Her face was radiant, she sported a beautiful smile on seeing me. She walked towards me slowly and stood beside me. I forgot all my promises that I made to myself.
I returned a soft smile and asked her, “How are you? What about your result?”
Her feminine fragrance was maddening along with her smile. “I am doing fine and I have got admission in M.Sc.”
“Good to hear that, I am really happy.” I answered.
“Why you are looking bit down today?” she looked deeply into my eyes.
I thought I was able to overcome all my pains, I didn’t know that still those eyes bore some marks of affliction. I answered her in a cold voice, “My grandma passed away last week.”
My words brought tears in her eyes. She almost shrieked, “What? I wanted to meet her?”
My grandma also wanted to meet with Titli; probably it was not the choice of fate. I said her, “I am fine, Titli. I have pulled myself up from that and I don’t want to hurl myself in more pain.”
She was unable to understand as what I meant. She looked deeply in my eyes, “There is something else in your eyes. You are a hard nut to crack, Adi.” I was not in a mood to carry on the conversation. She pulled me by my shirt and said, “Come on, drop me home.”
I did not bring my bike intentionally on that day because I knew that she would ask for a ride, her touch would melt my agonising conflicting heart and I might commit what I should not commit. I said to her, “I have not brought my bike. You have to go alone.”
She gave me a perplexed look and asked, “What? I have to go alone? Can’t we take a taxi?”
I feigned a bad headache, “No Titli, you have to go alone. I am not feeling well today.” the real ache was wringing my soul.
She smiled and said, “Ok don’t worry, we go to any medical shop to buy some medicine, then we take a taxi and you drop me home.”
Why can’t you understand Titli? I was about to shout at her, but her ever-smiling lips and sparkle of her eyes refrained me from doing so. I gave a faint smile and obeyed her.
I kept to myself for the whole ride. She kept on bubbling about how she spent her Puja holidays with her friends. I gave occasional smiles at her.
“Next week is my birthday and you are coming to my house.” She commanded me as if I was hers.
“Is that a request or invitation?” I gave a futile smile.
She gave me a stern smiling look, “No, it is neither a request nor invitation, it is my command and you are going to obey.”
“I will try.” I answered although I knew that I would not be attending her birthday.
“No try, I want you at me place. I have called all of my classmates and friends. There won’t be any problem.” She said to me.
I made her a false promise, “Ok I promise that I will be there.”
I could make up from her face that she was very happy to be with me after a long absence and she was happy to hear that I would be there at her birthday.
On that designated day, I restrained myself very hard to make a call to her house to wish her. I came home in the evening with a bottle of alcohol. After a couple of years, I was drinking again. I sat on the bed and poured the drink in a glass. All I was able to hear Anoushka’s voice as few glasses went down my throat. The walls were cowering over me and vehemently abusing me for being an ill-fated soul. I tried to drown those words as I poured more drink down my throat. I could fathom the future, I would propose her, she would be overjoyed, her father would be the hindrance and the result would be a pair of bloody soul. I made up my mind that I would not go to her birthday party at her house.
It was late at night the sound of the phone bell shattered the crowded silence around me.
“Hello..” I stammered.
“What are you doing at home? Why haven’t you come at my birthday?” Titli sounded very hurt.
My tongue felt dry, I stammered, “Why on earth, should I be present at your birthday?”
“You know why you should be present.” I imagined that her eyes were glistening as her voice was bit choked. She queried me, “Are you drinking?”
I hissed at her, “Yes I am. You know it very well that our relation cannot materialise due to your fathers stern nature. So stop playing with me Anoushka.” First time in months, I called her in proper name.
“Budhaditya, I HATE YOU.” She shouted on the other end and kept the phone.
I pressed the receiver on my chest and looked up the ceiling. Her last words echoed in the cavern of my ears for long time, “Budhaditya I hate you.” The walls and the windows also started to voice the same, “Budhaditya I hate you.” I closed my eyes and Titli’s beautiful deluged eyes were floating in front of me, she whispered in my ears, “I HATE YOU ADI for hurting me and I hate myself for coming close to you. I do not have the right to have a good friend like you. Please forgive me.”
